Here's the truth:
I'm not ok.
I'm sad.
I feel broken.
I am embarrassed by my lack of self control.
I want Anne Pearce home.
I am tired of pretending that I'm ok when I'm not.
I am tired of explaining to people why Anne Pearce is not home.
I am tired of crying.
I am trying so hard to trust God.
I feel like an imposter because I want to control things.
I have to let go and give myself to God.
That is so hard to do right now.
I am a mama missing her baby.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Can you handle the truth?
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16 comments:
oh, Lou...it is so hard. I am praying for you. God knows our needs...we don't have to be strong, we just need to cling to Him and then when we just about break loose, we realize he's been holding on to us the whole time. I love you!
Jami
I echo your sentiments in my heart! It will be 2 years next month since I officially started this journey. I want my daughter home now! However, I know that she will be home when God sees best! His ways are higher than our ways. If Anslie's adoption had turned out as I had planned, chances are you and I would never have met...... I am trying hard to see the blessings in the storms! Your friendship is truly one of the greatest blessings in this journey!
I will see you 2 weeks from tomorrow! I promise! :-)
Love and prayers,
Karen
Lou,
I know how you feel. There comes a point in time where you become numb and walk around just going through the motions. I try so hard to keep busy and get your mind off of the adoption, but no matter what there is always something there that will brin AP to your mind. There will be an end to this soon! I promise! For right now just take it one day at a time! I'm sending you lots of hugs!!!
Love,
Amy
Lou, I think we all feel this way at some point during this process. We are only human. It is not natural to leave our babies miles away in another country. When I started the process over 2 years ago, I had NO idea what I was getting into. Yes, I would do it all over again just for Maya. I think this process drains every inch of life out of us. You are a strong woman for just making the decision to adopt. AP will be home!! Hang in there. I am praying for you girl.
Lou, my heart hurts for you as it hurts for every waiting mama and when I look at that picture of AP on the right side bar I just get teared up because she is so absolutely precious and she needs to be with her mama. Know that this storm, this time of waiting and testing will end. It WILL end. He will bring you through it and the day AP is in your arms forever, you will be able to see how the waiting changed you to be more like Christ. I cherish your honesty, encouragement, friendship and prayers. Hang in there, she's coming home.
Lou,
I am really sorry you are having such a hard time. I have tried to call you several times in the past few days.
Give me a call when you are able.
Cheryl
Boy, this has been one emotional day. I too cherish everything about you. You are a true friend and daughter of God. You are stronger than you make yourself out to be though. You are a great example to us all. It is SO hard to feel such lack of control, but as long as we remember WHO is really in control of our lives, we will feel at peace. Take care girl. I'm praying for you.
I know exactly how you feel. As a matter of fact I posted on my blog this am about letting go and letting god take over!!! So amazing!
This process tests everything in you. I hate having no control either!!
Lets get these babies home now!!!
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I have been keeping myself busy a lot lately and it does help. Hoping you have a better next week! hugs, Rose
Sorry about the deleted post above. What I was trying to say didn't sound quite right when I reread it. What I was trying to get across is that it is alright to not be okay with this situation. AP is your daughter and it is not natural for you to be separated from her. I will continue to pray AP home along with you.
Wow! You summed up how I woke up feeling today. I was strong when I wrote my post last night and then, somewhere between then and when my eyes opened, I lost it!
It is hard when our babies are not with us. I just have tobelieve that God knows and feels our pain and that He will get us through it. And the fact that we are still here, encouraging one another daily, is proof that He is getting us through it. We may feel weak, but that is when He can take over and make us strong. Hang in there-- help is on the way. I am going to send you a song that God always has come on the radio EVERYtime that I tell Him I can't go another step in this journey. E-mail me your address so I can send it to you.
I am praying for you.
Love ya,
Amanda
oooh honey---hugs!!!--I can't tell you how many times I felt this way during the process you are not alone we are all here for you--Lou it is so hard--I can feel your pain in your words and I am so sorry I wish I could put a pen in Barrios hand and give you your sweet baby girl--please know that I will lift you up in prayer tonight--you are so special and such an encouragement to all of us--hang in there girlie she will come home and he will bring her!!!!! hugs!!!!
Hi Lou,
This process is unlike anything else I have ever experienced. It tests us on numerous levels. Some days are much more difficult than others. Your posts and faith have always be inspiring to me, it is okay to have these days too. All part of being human, and all part of missing our babies. Some parts of this process seem so wrong. She will come home and I hope soon! So many of us got into PGN around the same time, may we all come out together too! Hang in there, thinking of you and wishing you well!
Donna
Lou, Please know that you are not alone in this wait! As you can see by the 14 blogs before mine & countless blogs to follow....somebody is praying you through this. Our God is amazing and He will see you through this incredibly hard time. God will carry you through this incredibly hard time. By the way, we are still praying for a miraculously speedy PGN. :-) Love you guys! Karen
I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU, Lou! I am lifting you up in prayer. I have come to the point in my process (after this 2nd kickout) that I am no longer GOING to pretend. What you see is what you get. No more putting up a front with people. I am miserable. It's important for you to remember that your feelings are not only normal, but God EXPECTS you to feel this way! It is okay with Him! Do not let anyone tell you any different. Read the verse on my blog today. In our weakness is when He is made strong. It's when He gets the most glory. Hang in there, girlfriend. Joy comes in the morning!<><
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