What does one do when one gets kicked out of PGN for no good reason to cheer said one UP??

Well............since you asked......... I went today to buy a new mattress set. We just redid our garage....it's now Logan's room. He needed a bigger bed, so we figured we would get new mattresses and give him our old ones. I rolled all over mattresses at a local furniture store. While I was making my decision I strolled around the store. I spotted a GORGEOUS bed. Now mind you I went in just to buy mattresses. DH just smiled at me. When I know I like something I WANT it when it comes to furniture. No shopping around for me. It's either me or it's not. This bed screamed, "LOU, I'M FOR YOU!" SO, when we left we had bought the bed, night stand, and the mattresses. It will be beautiful with the dresser and chest I already have. Catch this.....the sales lady said, "It will be 4-6 weeks until your bed will be here. How do you feel about having to wait?" I told her that I was waiting on my baby from Guatemala and waiting for this bed will be a BREEZE. SEE, this adoption has taught me PATIENCE! Thank you, God. That was a lesson I needed to learn. You all know we had a bad day yesterday. We had a better one today. God sent us a blessing (not adoption related) that we have been praying for for months. I just smiled. God will take care of all of our needs. We didn't give up faith and our prayers were answered today. It wasn't in our timeline, but God's timeline is perfect for me. The same goes with Anne Pearce. My timeline would have her home yesterday, but I trust that my Father has a more perfect plan than I can even imagine. So, Thank you God for teaching me a little more about faith, patience, and how to be closer to you. All these lessons are making me a better person!

Love to all!

From the mouths of Babes....

We were discussing our PGN kick out at supper tonight. Hayden simply said, "We need to trust God". How right he is. God is all that brought me through today. He worked through family and friends to give me the strength and hope that everything would be alright. It's not fun knowing that PGN actually MADE UP a reason to kick us out. Maybe Satan feels threatened by all the love and prayers coming our way. In the end our Lord will prevail, and my precious baby will be home! To all my wonderful friends........thank you. You guys helped me get through this day, and I know that you all will continue to help me get through the days to come.

Lou

YES, PGN gave us the boot today!

Our reviewer evidently didn't like our name affidavit. The reason we got kicked out is as follows: The stated reason is "names need to be written as they would be if they were Guatemalan."HELLO! The last time I checked I wasn't Guatemalan, and I don't write my name like they do!!!! For all you people waiting our agency said that EVERYONE is getting kicked out. They said that to kick us out for this they had to be just looking for a reason. That being said our agency REALLY helped us today get this resolved quickly. We resigned the name affidavit. My new name is my maiden name, my mom's maiden name, followed by my last name. CRAZY. Andrew had to do the same thing. We took the notarized form to our county seat and had it authenticated while we waited. Our agency is overnighting it to the state tomorrow, and when it comes back on Monday we are hiring a courier service to get it authenticated at the Guatemalan consulate. Hopefully we can be resubmitted on the Monday after Easter! I feel blessed that this k/o is something that we could fix and that our agency was behind us 100% in getting this resolved. We pray that this will be our one and only K/O and that we will fly through when we are resubmitted. I did have about an hour of pure hysteria, but then I had to snap out of it. God has some reason for this, and I still trust that He will have her soon. Our agency stated that it should be 4-8 weeks after the re-submit. I am praying for the 4 week time table. Please pray for that as well. This adoption is definitely a roller coaster, but God has made me a better person for it. I am a blessed mama. I will happily take Anne Pearce whenever He decides it is time.

Love you all!

I know you've seen this picture before, but I thought it was fitting for today's trauma!

Guatemala, 2 good lookin' boys are headed your way!

Hayden
Logan

We went to take pics for the boys' passports today. Tomorrow I'm checking them out early to go get the actual passport. I'm expediting them, because I just KNOW they'll need them soon. Our state rep. is wonderful about helping get passports quickly if you have a travel emergency. When Karen went with me to Guatemala she didn't have hers yet, and our state rep helped her get it in 2 days! SO, if they call and say "Come Now" we can get there. This is a postive step......knowing that my boys are headed down to pick up their little sister with us! I know they're mine, but aren't they gorgeous?!?

Just some fun stuff....

This is Anne Pearce's new bunny I bought for her room. Isn't she precious? Can you see her name on the bunny's dress? For those of you who have been with me for a long time you know that I crochet. I just finished this blankie for AP. My child probably has too many blankies considering how hot it gets where we live. Anyway, I finished the fringe on this one last night, and it just may be my favorite!

New Project on the Horizon!!!!

Lesson on Lou-
I am very housy and love to decorate! It's one of my things. Anyway, our house has 4 bedrooms...2 upstairs and 2 down. We have decided to move upstairs in one of the bedrooms. It's actually bigger than the "master" downstairs, and we'll be more comfortable right across from the baby. SO, I went with my mom (designer genius) and we picked out new fabric. It is DIVINE!!! My precious friend, Cindy, is making me new shams, curtains, and pillows for the bed. Now I just get to go match paint colors! FUN FUN FUN, and a great distraction. I LOVE to redo a room in my house. I'll share pics as we go along. Just wanting to point out to you guys that "LOU IS BACK"!!!! I'm out of my funk and ready for business. This is day 18 in PGN for those of you counting. ;)

OK....You guys saw me at my lowest....

That was the lowest I have felt since we began this adoption process one year ago. All of a sudden I was body slammed with SO many emotions. The sun is now shining on me again, and I am so thankful to God. I came to the realization that if God's timeline isn't what I wanted that I still must trust Him and put my faith in Him. Sounds simple, but it was a HUGE moment for me. God has taken care of me throughout this journey, and I have to continue to place my trust and hope in Him. I am NOT giving up on Anne Pearce's miracle, and I will pray for that EVERYDAY. I just know that God is taking care of her for me now until I can have her in my arms. Even at that moment He will still be taking care of all of us. You all are so good to me. You were all here to help me stand back up when I fell, and I thank you.

Love you all!

Can you handle the truth?

Here's the truth:
I'm not ok.
I'm sad.
I feel broken.
I am embarrassed by my lack of self control.
I want Anne Pearce home.
I am tired of pretending that I'm ok when I'm not.
I am tired of explaining to people why Anne Pearce is not home.
I am tired of crying.
I am trying so hard to trust God.
I feel like an imposter because I want to control things.
I have to let go and give myself to God.
That is so hard to do right now.
I am a mama missing her baby.

My Maggie and Daisy....

I know I said I wasn't going to post, but I just couldn't help it. How can a 22 month old baby know what I need when even I don't? I can't explain the relationship we have with Daisy, Wyatt, and Maggie. They are so much more than just friends. They are part of our family. We all love Maggie, and she knows that we adore her. You all know that I have had a difficult week. I have been tested and my emotions tried on every level. Tonight we were at Daisy and Wyatt's. They were gone yesterday and last night, and we didn't see Maggie until this afternoon. I swear that child has been able to feel my hurt and pain. I know it might not sound like much, but Maggie wanted me to rock her to sleep tonight. That's HUGE for Maggie. I know that Daisy missed her from the night before, but she was gracious enough to share her with me. Maggie knew that I needed to love on a baby. I can't tell you what good it did my soul to rock that sweet angel to sleep. I know that God will send my daughter home in His time. Of course, I hope that we have a miracle. I won't quit praying for that until she comes home. I just know that I'm blessed that God has given me such wonderful people to love and support me during this difficult time of waiting. I'm sure I'm not always pleasant to be around, but Daisy and Maggie love me regardless. Thank you God for placing such wonderful people right across the street from me. They are one of the best gifts you have ever given me, and I thank You. Daisy and Maggie, I love you both. Thank you for loving me too.

A Good Day Just to Wear PJ's.....

After today we have completed 3 weeks in PGN! That is cause for celebration. I have decided to go make-up free today, AND I still have on my PJ's at almost 10:00 am! I am going to take a blogging break for a few days unless I have some news worthy of posting. Don't worry....I am fine.... I just feel like I need a break from the computer. Of course I will still check my email every 15 minutes, but maybe I can pull myself into some normal life for a while. Maggie is on her way to my house as we speak, and I am going to play babies and whatever else she wants to do for a while.

Love to you all!

Lou

Happy Birthday, Dear Andrew

Today is my dear hubby's birthday, so this post is dedicated to him. God has sent me the most wonderful godly man to be my husband and the father of my children. Andrew is so supportive and always there for all of us. On his birthday I feel like I have the gift, because I have Andrew.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. I love you!

I know you all are hanging on the edge of your seats........

Carolina got AP all dressed up for her photo shoot! She is so sweet! Anne Pearce is looking at me like she's saying, "Come get me, Mommy". We're trying little lovie, we're trying!

Introducing Laura Ingalls, oops, I mean Anne Pearce!

All dressed up.
Always my precious girl!

New pics 2 days in a row!!

This never happens in the adoption world. I am always happy to see our little angel......I am just missing her SO much these days. For the safety and privacy of my foster mom I have cropped her out. I think she is so beautiful, and one day when I have her consent I will post them all. I am not at liberty to go into details, but please pray for me. I have had a rough few days. I need your love and support more than ever. I am so thankful to have all you guys. I feel like my family has grown! Anne Pearce has many loving "aunts" and "cousins" out there! For your viewing pleasure I will add 3 of the new pics today, and I'll add the other 3 tomorrow.

Love you!

I got our pictures from our wonderful foster mom developed.

I won't share personal pictures of my foster family to protect their privacy, but these photos made my day. If you look closely you can see that she is looking at the photo album with our pictures in in, and she's SMILING. She knows her mommy and daddy. In some of the pics she also has the little doll we left her our first trip. We are so thankful to have the foster family that we have been blessed with. They love Anne Pearce and take such good care of her for us. They will forever be special people in our lives. God reminds me everyday that He is in control of this adoption. He made Himself so clear to me today during a difficult time, and I know that He is going to send her soon. I just feel it in my heart.

Still praying for my PGN miracle,
Anne Pearce's mommy

HEY! I know these people! They are my mommy and daddy!!!

Look how I'm really looking at my family.
Hey! There's my mommy!!!
All the people in this book love me so much!

Happy Monday morning!

Look at all that sweet dribble on her chin!

Hey my daddy! What's up?
Hey Mr. PGN man, LET ME OUT!

Monday's are great in the adoptive world.........we MAY get an update......so far nothing here! We have only been in PGN for 2 weeks, so I think I would pass out if we did get an update. I don't know exactly what I'm going to talk about today. I had a little crying spree last night. I was looking at all Anne Pearce's pictures from our last trip and started missing her like crazy! I just felt so sad wanting my baby home. I know that everyone goes through this, and we wouldn't be their mothers if we didn't. Our agency coordinator was in Guatemala last week, and she brought back a disposable camera for me that I forgot to get when I was there the week before. I can't wait to see AP's life on a daily basis with her foster family. I'll get the pics on a disk, so I can share some with you guys later. So that atleast is one positive note for today. I keep reminding myself that God is bigger than PGN and that He will send her home soon. More later......

Love to all my peeps!

More pictures of the finished product...

Anne Pearce's room is ALMOST finished.

This has been a work in progress since last summer when we started our home study. I don't work on it constantly, but I'm always looking for things to pretty it up. For the last few days I have been hanging things on the wall and organizing her things. Now I just need a rug and a few little knick knacks. I am waiting until after my shower before I buy ANYTHING else. Right now all I need's a baby in that crib! I have had so much fun doing this room, and I can't wait to spend time in here with her.

While I was working in the nursery my men were finishing up Logan's room. Andrew converted our garage into a bedroom for Logan, so all our kids would have their own rooms. He has worked so hard on it, and I am so proud of him! He is so handy! Logan's room really is beautiful! You can't tell it was ever a garage. All we have left to do is finish the built ins and load all his stuff. Tomorrow after church we're moving all his stuff. We're all so excited!

This lamp was in Hayden's nursery. I just made a new lampshade.

I found this at the shop where my mom used to work. It has pictures of AP hanging from it. It really is cute!
This was the cradle my great-grandmother bought when my mama was born. We'll use it for AP's babies. Those are my baby dolls in ther now. Sorry I cut off the last 2 letters of AP's name!

This is where we'll be sleeping when AP comes home, so she can get used to her new room.

A close up of the sign....

I painted this and covered this shelf and toy box with fabric.

Logan painting his room....
Can you see the paint in his hair??
My sweet Andrew painting the trim...
Hayden did help SOME before he took a break.

Didn't mean to alarm the masses!

I have talked to three of my blogging buds, and for now I will stay public. I'm about to send you all an email explaining my reasons for the previous message. I will say that some people were using information from my blog for reasons other than they are intended. I WAS SO MAD. Email coming,
Lou

Don't have much to say today....

Hey, I can't make videos EVERYDAY! I'm praying constantly.....Let us out of PGN! I know we've only been in 2 weeks, but a girl can pray. Andrew has a very strong feeling that she will be out soon. I pray that he's right. A friend I met in Guatemala last week told me today that they just had someone get out in 3 weeks with no KO's!!! WHOO HOO! It does happen. My nesting has definitely kicked in.......am I in labor?????? I'll post some pics of AP's room after I finish it up this weekend. You gals (and occasional guys) have a great weekend!

On another note, I am thinking of changing the blog to private due to some unfortunate circumstances. I'll email you all what's going on, and you can help me decide.

Love to all,
Lou

The music......

I used Steven Curtis Chapman's "What Now" and "Believe me Now" from his All Things New CD. Buy it......it's fabulous!

A Tribute to my Bloggin' Mamas.....

I know you guys are probably tired of me making videos, but I couldn't resist...

Please continue listening to the song after the pictures stop. God is telling all of us "Believe Me Now".

I love ALL you guys!

Just missin' my girl.....

One more thing.....

Would you please all pray that I could get rid of this crud I have? I have been sick since I was in Guatemala, and I'm ready to feel better!!!!

8th day in PGN, but who's counting???

Does anyone else obsess like I do? I'm trying to be positive and focus that we've been through almost 2 weeks already! I pray constantly for our PGN miracle, and I truly believe that God is going to send it!!!! Thank you, God. I do know that she is well taken care of by her wonderful foster family. I also need to pray for them, because it won't be long until they have to give her up. I can't imagine how difficult that will be for all of them. They are truly angels on earth. I tell myself that there will come a day soon when Anne Pearce is home with me just hanging out and playing. It's hard to grasp sometimes that at the end of all this your baby actually comes to live with you. I know that sounds stupid, but sometimes I get so caught up in the process that it's hard to focus. So, this week I am going to get the nursery completely ready. I have alot of organizing to do and things to put up. I also have some small decorating projects. I have to get that room ready for it's occupant!!! My baby shower is April 1, and I am so excited. Karen is coming the week after Easter, and we are going to the beach with some other mommy friends for a few days. All these wonderful things will help me pass the time until our big arrival from Guatemala. I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life. My DH, Andrew, is my rock on earth, and my 2 sweet boys give me so much joy. All my fellow blogging mommies just rock. Period. I know there was no real point to this post....just my rambling feelings today. Thanks for listening/or reading........

L

Anne Pearce and Hudson

This is Anne Pearce and her sweet friend, Hudson on our visit trip. This is guaranteed to make you smile. Listen to my girl growl! I have to warn you that I sound like a total idiot on this video. Andrew and I both turn into goof balls when we're filming AP. Watch how Hudson laughs everytime AP coughs. They are so sweet together!

I'm back!

It's ridiculous how crazy I get when I can't connect to the Internet. You people are my life! :) I haven't told you all the story of my last night with AP. I was in horrible shape. After we got her to sleep I went and took a long bath. I sobbed the entire time just knowing that everyone on our hall could probably hear me. I prayed constantly, but I really didn't even know WHAT to say. I felt like I was just making noises that only God could understand. I got out of the tub, wrapped myself up in a towel, and sat in the middle of the floor. I cannot explain the pain that I felt at that time. It's like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. I wanted Andrew, and I wanted to take AP home with me! I was so upset over so many things, and then I just gave them away to God. At that moment I felt all the worry and angst lift from my shoulders. That doesn't mean that I wasn't sad anymore, but I knew that I wasn't alone. God was holding me at that moment as His child. I could feel that He loves me even more than I love Anne Pearce, and He hurts when I hurt. Since that moment life has been much better. I can't say that I don't miss Anne Pearce or that I'm not sad. I do miss her, and I am sad, but that's the way her mama is SUPPOSED to feel. Andrew and I both have such peace that she will be home soon. I not only ask God for a miracle.....I believe that He will give it. She will be home soon. Praise God!

I am without internet service.....

I ran over to Daisy and Wyatt's to post real quick. We haven't had internet all day long. It's supposed to be back on in the morning. I am addicted to blogging..........

On another note, keep checking Daisy's blog. She has some fabulous news. I've known for a while now, and I've been about to bust. Hopefully she'll post something quick!

More tomorrow,
Lou

I prayed for strength, and God has given it to me.

I miss Anne Pearce desperately, but I have such a feeling of peace in my heart. I just KNOW that she will be home soon. Andrew feels the same way. Even though we miss her terribly, it is SO GOOD to be home. I just touched the walls of my kitchen last night. It seems like it has been so long since I've been here. The sleepless nights caught up with me, and I slept unitl 1:00 this afternoon! I feel lots better.

Yesterday when I had to give AP back I decided that I would try my best to stay calm.....I didn't want it to be any harder on her than it had to. When the foster mom and jorge came into the room AP got very quiet. When Carolina tried to take her AP turned away from her and onto me. She definitely knows who here mama is. I held her for a while and let her get used to them again. I did sob and sob during that last hug, and my good friend Jorge just stood there and patted my back. We all cried during this time, and AP looked like a little zombie with no expression. I know she was thinking, "Why are you leaving me Mommy?" I walked her up and down the hall the last night and explained to her what was going on and that mommy and daddy and her brothers would be back to bring her home soon. I swear she knows what I was saying. She is such a good girl..........I can't even explain her sweetness. Anyway, this morning I am ok. I truly feel that she will be home SOON. I am not worried about any of the changes going on down there. My faith is in my Lord. He will bring her to us soon.

Our flights were great yesterday. Karen will laugh when she reads this, but she moved us to some great seats. I am always obsessed with WHERE I am sitting, and I like to know where others are too. It's just my thing. My ears stopped up on the last flight into Mobile, and they are STILL stoppped up. I have tried everything. For now all sounds are muted! Atleast it happened here and not there. That medicine held me over until I got home. They also lost our luggage!!!!! It DID NOT make it to Mobile last night. Karen and I were freaking out, because all the gifts were in those bags, and we bought TONS of stuff. They are delivering our bags to us within the hour. I really didn't care........What can compare with leaving your child??? Nothing seems as important.

I do really want to thank Karen again. She was such a blessing to have on this trip. She was so good with her god daughter and helped me so much. I would never have made it like I did without her there with me. I know it was a sacrifice for her family for her to make this trip, and I am so thankful.

We all love Anne Pearce. Let's keep praying her home.

Love to you all.

How do you prepare yourself to give up a child for a second time?

Aunt Karen reading me a book.
Us in the lobby.
Playing with Mommy

Love this pose.

Have you ever seen anything sweeter?

A Guatemalan taxi. Look how tiny. They drive CRAZY here. What is a seat belt and car seat?? We don't know here!

This is my friend Tomas at the Marriott. He called me Anne and carried me around everyday that he saw me. He said he is waiting on us to come back soon.
Check out the Mohawk!
My Aunt Jenny requested a photo of me in the bathing suit even though we didn't get in the pool.
I love those feet!


Look how I loved the water on my toes....Look at Mommy's hair in the Guatemalan wind!

We couldn't get in the pool b/c of my cold, but Mommy dipped my toes in.
These guys were so excited when we came in. They all flirted and laughed while we were ordering.
Aunt Karen and Mommy couldn't resist taking my photo next to the Guatemalan Ronald McDonald.


My mommy loves me so......

If anyone has an idea....please let me know. Karen would tell you that I have done great today, but on the inside I feel like a part of me is about to be cut off. I can't believe that tomorrow I have to hand over my baby again. It seems so unfair. We all know that she needs to be home with all of us now. I wish someone would explain that to the United States and the Guatemalan governments. We keep hearing more and more that we need to be prepared to expect delays, as there are many changes taking place between the US and Guatemala concerning adoptions. I DO NOT accept this. Beneath all that red tape is this darling baby girl who needs to be home with her family and all those who love her. Now is the time that I remember that our Heavenly Father is SO much larger and stronger than any PGN or US Embassy worker. I refuse to believe that my Father who led me to this baby would keep me away from her any longer than He has planned. I truly keep my faith and am bold to ask him to grant us a miracle. We will give Him all the glory. There is absolutely NOTHING that any of us can do to speed her process. Only God can take care of her. But isn't the way we should always look at things? We all need to be willing to give God every detail of our lives. Giving her back AGAIN tomorrow will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I know that God won't give me more than I can handle. I am constantly praying for strength and peace. Please all understand that I will be very sad for a while, and I probably won't blog as much for now. I need a chance to get comfortable at home and TRY to get used to being without Anne Pearce. I am going to try to focus on the fact that now I am preparing to bring her home. My baby shower is in a few weeks, and my friend, Karen, from NC is coming to spend a week with me in April. All my adoptive blogging buds are going to continue to support each other and lift each other and our babies up in prayer. God has sent us all these children, and HE will bring them home.

Much love,

Lou