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In fact, it's the hardest job on earth. Even my dear Oprah agrees with me on that topic! Motherhood has filled me with more joy and satisfaction than I could have ever imagined. When I had Logan and Hayden I had no idea what I was doing. They were the first boys in our entire family, and none of us knew what to do with them. I learned as we went along, and I think they've turned out pretty darned well. When they would have any issues I felt that I KNEW what they needed for me to do to help them. Anne Pearce is a different story. I second guess EVERYTHING that I do for her and every decision we make. Is it the right thing? Has it been long enough? Is it too soon? Does she need this? Does she need that? You get the picture. I am just so scared of doing anything to screw her up emotionally. Natalie and I have been going through this together. If I didn't have her I don't know what I would do. If I didn't know better I would think that Bella and AP were twins. They are twinkies. Peas in a pod. They are having the exact same issues. Last night Nat and I decided that we were reclaiming our beds and sleep. She did much better than I did. I caved. Immediately. Well, AP slept from 8:30 until 4, so I thought that was different than waking up at 12 or so. She cried hysterically for 15 minutes before I picked her up, and then she cried for 40. Pardon my French, but she was PISSED!!!! She cried. I cried. I'm sure Andrew was just wishing that both of us would just get over it! ;) I just want her to know that I am there and know that I'm not leaving her. I want to be a good mama for her. Natalie told me though that being a good mother also involves teaching them things that they need to do, like falling asleep and staying asleep. They NEED sleep. Everyone in our house needs SLEEP! So, I will try again tonight. Like another Southern Belle, Scarlett O'Hara herself once said, "After all, tomorrow is another day." We'll figure it out together..jpg)
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Friday, August 17, 2007
Nobody EVER said being a mother is easy......
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13 comments:
Praying that EVERYONE in your house gets some shut eye and can count some sheep in their sleep tonight. It's so rough when they don't sleep because I cave too...I'm a softy!!! I know what I feel like on lack of sleep, so I can't imagine what AP is feeling like. Our prayers are with you! Sweet Dreams!!
LOU,LOU!!!!!!!! I LOVE you just love you!!!!!!!! Okay where do I start?!!!!! I can totally relate to this--I love your down to earthness I just love you!!!!!!!!
I know not sleeping is rough--I knew the people at Starbucks by their first name a while ago!!!!!--
Can I just tell you I had friends who let them cry it out--(there kids were completely fine and the parents were happier because they were sleeping!) and I couldn't do it with either of my kids--I just could not do it!!!! They look at me all teary eyed and I can't help it I give in!! Especially Sophie ooh my goodness those big brown eyes--we got her at such a good age she went thru a spurt where she would get up for a bottle a 3am every night. I would give it to her --this went on for about a month and then she just slept thru the night one night and has ever since--although it is funny she got up at 5:30am this morning with diarrhea! We ended up going grocery shopping at 6:30 in the morning!!! So sorry I told you all of that I just got sidetracked!!! :O)
I know this is going to get easier for you and when my little boy comes home I will be calling you saying what did you do to make her sleep thru the night!!!!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us!!!! I just love you--
I go thru this in my mind with Sophie too--I worry about her emotional well being with everything she has been thru!!!
ps--so sorry I got so wordy here!!!!!!
I know what you mean. We do much better now, but we second guessed everything with Cameron those first several months.
Nat is right, though. This is kind of OT, but I see so many out of control kids, and it's because their parents let them call the shots from the time they were our childrens' age. There are too many lazy people out there and not enough PARENTS! It's easy to be their friend, hard to be their parent.
But, on the other hands, our children came to us in a very special way. They have different needs and it's not always to figure out how to meet them. We worry about their attachment and we want them to feel secure. The first thing any parenting expert will tell you is that children get their sense of security and learn to trust from routines, rules, and discipline. They need to know what to expect and it's our job to provide them with that security and they will grow up healthier for it.
I'm sorry to be so long-winded. I hope I don't sound like I have all the answers or that I'm preaching to you either. I really was just spilling out every thought that I had during that time. I've been there! This will pass, and she will be just fine. I promise!
Lou, honey, I know it's very unsettling to hear your baby cry. I know I've told you before that I second guessed everything I did with Olivia for many, many months (and still do many times). I think most of us can relate to what you're going through to some degree. It is really TOUGH but also incredibly important to set a consistent sleep routine. Whatever you decide to do, stick with it. Send AP the message that mommy loves her enough to help her get a good night's sleep. You can do this and I believe that God will give you, AP, Andrew and the boys the strength to get past this. I'm thinking about you tonight!
I am right there with you. Maya has not been sleeping well the past few nights. For the first 2 weeks I just put her in the bed at 8 and she was gone. We have fought the past 2 nights. I dont want to let her cry because she has been through so much and she still has a lot to go through. I am so scared that I am doing something so wrong. Single motherhood is so hard. I have a whole post for that. Deborah keeps telling me that she is trying me and I must set boundaries.
Lou,
If you are loving this baby then you are doing things right. That is what she needs the most and then your decisions will be okay.
Get some sleep tonight.
Gail
As Alex is my first (and only right now) I had NO idea what to expect. And, when we first came home I second guessed EVERYTHING we did. Was Alex acting like this because he was grieving? or was he just acting like that? Was he not scared of strangers because he hadn't attached to me? or was it becuase he had an outgoing personality?
It's so hard!!!! And then, you hear conflicting information on what you should do. Before we got home, I read that you should never let an adopted child "cry it out." Then our IA pediatrician told us to make sure that we were letting him fall asleep on his own in his crib, and not to rock him. I just didn't know what to do!!!!!
I think, at the end of the day, you just have to do what you are most comfortable with. Go with your gut, and I'm sure you will do fine. (and I'm glad you have Natalie to go through this with you_
I have already been worrying about this issue and Sunbeam isn't even home yet. I don't have the answers, but I will pray for you that you will have the wisdom and God-given instinct to know what is right for AP and your whole family.
I had these issues with jack..(althought he was not adopted) iwould get up every night with him until he was 8 months old and then I realized he was training me not me training him. Iwas SOOO tired and then I just said enough and just let him cry it out. it took about 3-4 days of him crying it out and then he was retrained. we were all sleeping again. and can I say it was wonderful!!! You are not be unloving if you let her cry it out. you are still loving her and loving your whole family by letting everybody sleep. Its not like you are being mean to her during the day. if you are letting her cry, you are not being mean...think of it as retraining. she will be upset with you for a couple of days (at night) and she will probably be "pissed" but that is just part of it. She will be fine!!! I promise!! now make sure you remind me of all this when I bring Brody home.....he he. YOU can do it!
Oh baby, I remember it well!! Victoria did the same thing with us and it is so easy to second guess yourself. It took about 3-4 days before she was retrained. I would go in every 10 -15 minutes and tell it her it was ok, pat her back and make sure her music was on. She would scream when I first left her, but then fell asleep. By the 3rd night she realized I was there but would not pick her up and now if she wakes up I just have to tiptoe in her room and hit the remote button for her music. She has made it all night without waking at all and sometimes wakes up once pernight but goes back to sleep pretty quickly.
I remember how long those 10-15 minutes would be, it just broke my heart. I used to lay in bed, praying and watching the clock.
Good luck!!!
Funny!
I am sorry for your sleepless nights---I'm right there with you! It so hard with adoption. You never know what is okay to do with them. I never know how JP will feel about an action I may take.
Praying for you!
I totally agree that Motherhood is definitely the hardest, yet most rewarding job on this earth. You first of all need to ALWAYS remember that you are a WONDERFUL Mother!!! If you weren't, you wouldn't be concerned about these things at all, and I see you with that sweet girl, and she adores you. You are her life, and you are a WONDERFUL!! Mommy.
Just continue to be consistent with her about how you think is best to handle her at night and she will soon learn. She's a smart girl! I remember Maggie doing all the same things, and it can frustrate you beyond belief, but just like you've encouraged me with the potty training, the same goes here. She WILL learn to sleep and you will soon be sleeping again too. =)
love you ALL!!!!
Daisy
Ok - not that I want your daughter to be unhappy, but that picture of her in the crib is too cute! I think as moms we all constantly question and second guess the choices and decisions that we make for our children. I have not adopted, but I can see how that brings up different questions and issues - especially relating to attachment. In the end I think we just have to trust our heart and do what we feel is the best at the time. In the end our children will know they are loved and that we did our best. Parenting is by far the hardest job ever - but the benefits are priceless!!!
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