I just had a sobbing crying fit of hysteria a few minutes ago. My sweet hubby was taking me out to eat, but I just don't want to go ANYWHERE.....not even to go out and eat. He listened while I just cried and cried about how much I miss our baby, about how it sucks that she is over 6 months old and not even back in PGN, about how it sucks that she is doing things that I am not even aware of. Let's face it....I AM DONE. I am ready for that little angel to be home, so my family is complete. I am ready for this hole in my heart to be filled. I know that God is with me, and I know that He has perfect timing. That doesn't mean that sometimes I don't hurt so bad I think I could die. The last time I saw that little face was March 9. That seems like so long ago. Sweetie Pie Andrew keeps reminding me that we are in the home stretch and that God will reveal His plan and miracle for Anne Pearce. I can't imagine going through this without my heavenly Father and my wonderfully supportive husband. SO, Andrew went and bought steaks and baked potatoes, and we are having supper at home. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I know that life won't be easy after this adoption is over, but I do pray that we feel normal once again. I miss normal.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
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12 comments:
Girlfriend!! Are you kidding me??? I feel like that more times than not! In fact, I am currently trying to figure out how I can not go to church again until JP gets home without feeling bad about it. I wish I could say that I am joking, but large crowds of people make my stomach turn. I enjoy being w/ my close friends who are like family and immediate family. Other than that, I could stay in my house for the next HOWEVER long and that would be fine w/me! I do feel like I am bonkers! Especially after we told EVERYONE WE KNOW that we were bring him home in two weeks and then we had to go back and tell them we weren't! I thought the questions and stupid comments were bad before! You cannot imagine them now.
I know this is long, but your post REALLY REALLY REALLY hit home! Thank you for your honesty! Let's just continue to pray for our babies, our sanity and thank the GOOD LORD for our wonderful husbands!!
Hi--Bonkers...yes I resemble that! I think we should all hibernate together until the last baby comes home! I sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind, especially this week! I haven't seen Ava in almost 3 months and that makes me sad too. I'm actually scared to call her foster mom again because it hit me really hard! You are not alone. Just think, next year at this time we'll all have our babies home and be going bonkers in a whole different and beautiful way! Hang in there and thanks for redirecting people to my blog.
love,
Donna
OK, you're in major trouble. I just had to read this post to know you are having a bad day. I will forgive you this time, but it better not happen again! =) I'd hate to have to have a "come aloose" on you girl!
On a slightly kinder note, =-) I do want normal for you. It's funny. Now you're trying to pass the days so quickly so that she will be home, and when she gets here, you'll be like me, dragging your heals in the dirt so the days WON'T pass so quickly and she'll stay your little girl. Life is funny that way. I'm ready for you to be digging those heals in with me and enjoying our precious girls. That play house just WON'T be complete no matter how much work they do until our AP is here to play with Maggie in it. Won't it be fun!?!?!?!
lovealee, Daisy
I can so relate to losing it. We are in the process of adopting little Anna Sofia from Guatemala and are waiting to hear if we are in PGN. My last visit was in Mar. 8th and I feel like part of me is missing. We live in Birmingham and I would love to talk to you more. Hang in there you are right God has perfect timing but it doesn't mean you can't hurt.
Awwwww..... I will be praying for you!!!! Praying that AP will get home ASAP!!!
((((HUGS))))
Courtney
Sweetheart...we are in this together. I ditto Daisy...how come you didn't call me? If you are down...let me know. I am here for you just as you are there for me. Enough for the lecture.
Every once in a while you need that good cry. I had mine a couple of days ago and it will hold me over for a few more days. We just need to hang in there a little longer, then things are going to be heavenly...our girls will be in our arms forever. Don't forget that...we WILL be with them soon!
So glad for your honest post. I've been walking around for the past week with a lump in my throat -- you know that feeling you get when you try to hold back a good cry? Thank goodness for Guatemama's who understand. Even my closest friends cannot begin to understand how hard it is for me waiting for Cohen. Know that I am praying for you and you can always vent to me through email! :)
hey...I am so sorry you are having a bad day. Know I am thinking of you. Sometimes agood night sleep makes things better for the next day. I have days when I think I am bonkers too. Hang in there dahling! Roseann
Oh, Lou, I am so sorry to hear about your day. I know the feeling. I tild someone today that I am so tired. I just want to feel normal again. (exact words). Even though we know God is in control, it is still so hard to have our babies in another country! I am praying you get your miracle SOON. And Daisy and Natalie are right-- call another Guatemama. Chances are we just had our breakdown for the day or will be about to have it! Only a Guatemama can hash it out with you the "right" way!
Love ya,
Amanda
hey, we ALL break down and we're SUPPOSED to! Didn't you feel a tiny bit better after you lost it? I know I do..... sometimes. Sometimes it's too overwhelming and I CAN'T stop crying. Oh, the trials of international adoption......
Lou - we are all in this together. But it is so HARD!!!!! It's emotionally exhausting much of the time. I love you and know that soon you will be holding your precious AP!!!!
I know exactly how you feel! Once you set that date to travel you will feel so much better! That is the only thing that has helped me get through this wait! We were out of pgn for ko for 3 weeks and it just about killed me. It seems like such a waste of time. I can't believe I leave in 11 days! I am bringing my son with me.
It WILL end and you WILL all be together!
Nancy
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